Miss March

Starring: Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi
Directed by: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore (TV’s “The Whitest Kids U Know”)
Written by: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore (TV’s “The Whitest Kids U Know”)

“Miss March” may start off like a sharp and dirty-minded coming-of-age tale about two young boys who find their sexuality through a Playboy subscription, but that’s just what directors/writers/stars Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore want you to believe before they pull the poop-covered rug from under your feet.

While the stars of IFC’s “The Whitest Kids U Know,” are fairly edgy and smart in the first 20 or so minutes of “Miss March,” the comedic pacing takes a detour and becomes a set of infantile and second-rate jokes that revolve around human excrement, a bestial nickname, and the oh-so hilarious topic of (tee-hee) virginity.

The movie follows Eugene Bell (Cregger), a straight-laced high school student who falls into a coma the night he’s supposed to have sex for the first time with Cindi (Raquel Alessi), his girlfriend of over two years. When Eugene finally wakes up four years later, everyone who was important to him, including Cindi, has moved on with their lives. The only one still at his bedside is his best friend Tucker (Moore, doing his best impression of Ace Ventura), who had a hand in reviving Eugene from his deep sleep.

After four years in a hospital bed, there is only one thing Eugene wants to know: Where is Cindi? The duo is surprised to learn that she lives in L.A. and has become a model for Playboy. With little planning, Tucker and Eugene head out on a road trip to California where they attempt to get into an anniversary party at the Playboy Mansion so Eugene can see Cindi again.

Although it seems to want to be a raunchier version of “Dumb and Dumber,” Cregger and Moore bottom out from the beginning when they try to pass off Tucker and Eugene’s spontaneous road trip as an asset to the script. The story, however, shouldn’t flow like the Cregger-Moore team is writing just as impulsively, and it does.

If Cregger and Moore were to come out and admit they used “Miss March” not as a window into the film world, but as a device to meet beautiful girls, there might be some respect to offer for the effort. But why release it to a wide audience? Why not imitate National Lampoon and toss it on a DVD with a few deleted scenes and a blooper reel? Or even better, why not premiere it right after “The Whitest Kids U Know?” That’s one way to guarantee no one will see “Miss March,” a movie that’s just as cringe-inducing as the idea of Hugh Hefner in bed with 19-year-old twins.