Race to Witch Mountain

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig
Directed by: Andy Fickman (“The Game Plan”)
Written by: Matt Lopez (“Bedtime Stories”) and Mark Bomback (“Godsend”)

If former WWE entertainer the Rock, er, Dwayne Johnson is really serious about becoming an accomplished actor now that his wrestling career is behind him, he needs to quickly turn around because he’s already taken a few steps in the wrong direction.

After family-friendly, safe, and overall meaningless fare like “Gridiron Gang,” “The Game Plan,” and “Get Smart,” Johnson has decided to stick with the mind-numbing screenplays, this time with “Race to Witch Mountain,” a reimagining of the 1975 Disney movie “Escape to Witch Mountain” adapted from the 1968 book by Alexander Key.

In the film Johnson plays Jack Bruno (you won’t forget his name since it is annoyingly repeated throughout the film), a Las Vegas taxi cab driver who is a former muscle head for a group of mobsters. Now working as a cabbie, Jack (Bruno, that is) spends his days picking up passengers and trying to avoid his former colleagues who he owes money.

A big payday comes when Jack (Bruno, that is) picks up Sara (AnnaSophia Robb) and Seth (Alexander Ludwig), a couple of teenagers with a wad full of cash and an unspecific destination. Jack (Bruno, that is) has no idea, however, that his most recent customers are aliens from another planet who have crash-landed on Earth.

With clueless investigators from the U.S. Department of Defense on their trail, as well as an assassin who has been sent to kill them, Sara and Seth are on a mission to find their confiscated spacecraft and save the planet from total annihilation. Actress Carla Gugino is an afterthought as Dr. Alex Friedman, an expert in all things geeky, who is reeled along for the dull sci-fi ride.

There only so many tough-yet-sensitive guy roles any actor can accept and Johnson has definitely reached his limit. It’s too bad he plays a hockey player-turned-tooth fairy (seriously) in his next movie. Donning a tutu is a surefire way to lead him to the same ranks Hulk Hogan found himself in with “Mr. Mom” or Arnold Schwarzenegger with “Jingle All the Way.” And from that point, there’s really no turning back.