A Cinesnob is not someone you would want to take to the movie theater if all you are looking for is a couple of hours of escapism and handfuls of buttered popcorn.

A Cinesnob is not going to the newest Jessica Alba movie to see Jessica Alba in lingerie nor is he checking out the latest horror movie to see if there are any cool death scenes.

A Cinesnob is not impressed with special effects (unless their attached to an effective story), does not base his opinion on what is prevalent in pop culture and could care less how much money something made in the box office opening weekend.

Usually, a Cinesnob has a bad wrap with the general public. Why you ask?

Myths and Facts about Cinesnobs

Myth #1:
Cinesnobs hate everything that is mainstream.

Fact #1:
Cinesnobs (at least this one) will give every movie its fair shot. Whether its a teenage romantic comedy or the fifth installment of a slasher franchise, this cinesnob goes in with a mind that is a clean slate.

Myth #2:
If it is an art-house, foreign or documentary film, a cinesnob is bound to love it.

Fact #2:
Cinesnobs (at least this one) have seen their fair share of substandard indie films and uninspiring documentaries. When talking about foreign films, think about this: In the U.S. we only get to see about five percent of all the films that one certain country produces in any given year. Do you honestly think an American film studio is going to waste money bringing in bottom-of-the-barrel cinema from other countries when they are capable enough to make those kinds of movies on their own? Most (not all) foreign films that open in the U.S. are good because they have been critically accepted and are worthy enough to branch out into a different market. It's hard enough to get the general public to come out and watch a foreign film ("I don't wanna have to read the movie" is usually the excuse), much less a bad one. Still, they do pop up every now and again.

Myth #3:
A cinesnob does not understand the meaning of "entertainment value."

Fact #3:
Even cinesnobs want to be entertained when they go to the movies. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or only likes watching documentaries on global warming. Cinesnobs (at least this one) always appreciate a great action sequence, an exchange of distasteful dialogue, or even *gulp* slapstick comedy. But why replace the fundamentals of filmmaking with entertainment value? Why can't both coexist? The cinesnob is here to weed out those movies that think they can get away with just the bare minimum.

Myth #4:
A cinesnob is bias.

Fact #4:
If anything, a cinesnob is the most impartial moviegoer you will ever meet. If a cinesnob loves his job (and this one does), he'll make it a point to know how to disect the topic he is talking about and make valid points. A cinesnob isn't going to just say something because he heard another cinesnob say it. There's credibility on the line.

Myth #5:
A cinesnob is a film school dropout that couldn't hack it in the industry and wants to take his frustrations out on the world by trashing everything.

Fact #5:
Cinesnobs (at least this one) do not go to film school. Most are simply passionate about the art of filmmaking and film critiquing and want to immerse themselves into every aspect of that. Cinesnobs (at least this one) don't pretend to know what they are doing behind the camera. They might, however, daydream about it and tinker around with screenwriting.

Myth #6:
A cinesnob is a movie geek.

Fact #6:
A cinesnob is far from a movie geek. Although both might know more than their fair share of movie trivia and spend entirely too much time on the internet looking at the latest movie trailers, they are two different animals. A movie geek likes what he likes and won't give it another thought; George Lucas and Kevin Smith are gods no matter what. A cinesnob might have his favorites (this one likes P.T. Anderson) but he'll be the first one to admit when they fail to produce something worth watching.

Myth #7:
A cinesnob is the only person that would say they know exactly what David Lynch means.

Fact #7:
A cinesnob (at least this one) has no idea what David Lynch means and will never pretend that he does. But he still likes (most) of his films.

Myth #8:
A cinesnob likes writing bad reviews.

Fact #8:
Trust me, cinesnobs (at least this one) would love it if they could see great films and write positive reviews all the time. It's disheartening when you see seven or eight really bad movies in a row. No one likes that. But the truth is, film studios are in it for the money, which means the quicker they pop out movies, the better for them. And as cliche as it sounds, they usually choose quantity over quality.

Things you will never hear a cinesnob (at least this one) say:

1. "The book was better than the movie" or vice versa. The cinesnob is not here to critique books, only movies. He'll definitely say something about the screenplay, but he won't compare it to the author's original work.

2. "I didn't like the movie because it was too ________ ." Fill in the blank. Too bloody. Too profane. Too violent. Too sexual. Too slowly-paced. The cinesnob (at least this one) always believes that if there is a lot of a particular something FOR A REASON, then it works. But if it's just a blatant amount of sex scenes or gunshots to the face just for the sake of shock value, what's the point? I had a professor once admonish me for liking American Beauty. He thought it was "too immoral." What kind of reason is that to hate a movie? Those characters were supposed to be depraved. Next thing I thought he was going to say was, "I didn't like Schindler's List because I thought it was too sad."

3. I liked the original better. I'd rather base my opinion of a film on its own merit not what someone else did years ago.

4. Let's stay in and watch TV instead. Okay, Spurs playoff games might be the only exception, but we'd have to be talking about a Game 7 to make me miss a flick.

ABOUT

Name: Kiko Martinez
Age: 27
Birthday: July 2, 1980
Born and reside: San Antonio, Texas
School: Our Lady of the Lake University (c/o 2003). Bachelor's in communication arts with an emphasis in journalism.
Started film critiquing: 2002
Current publications: San Antonio Current, Extra Newspaper in Chicago, La Prensa Newspaper de San Diego
Favorite Movie of All Time: Magnolia (1999)
Best thing about being a film critic: Losing yourself in a story
Earliest movie memories: 1) In 1983, crying after watching the re-release of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" because I didn't want the movie to end. I was three years old. 2) In 1987, getting angry at my cousins because they all wanted to see the re-release of "The Aristocats" while I wanted to see "Critters 2: The Main Course." We ended up watching the damn singing cats. 3) Watching my first movie on cable, "Jeremiah Johnson" starring Robert Redford. 4) In 1988, watching my first movie at the drive-in, "Stand and Deliever." 5) In 1992, holding hands with a girl for the first time while watching "Ferngully: The Last Rainforest" at her house. 6) Always crying at the end of "An American Tail" no matter how old I am. 7) Always getting goosebumps at the end of "The Karate Kid" not matter how old I am.